Marriage is a true partnership so the idea of a breadwinner in the relationship is somewhat of a misnomer. In a partnership, each partner has duties and responsibilities and a marriage is no different. One of the only exceptions is the gold-digger and sugar daddy relationship. And to an extent there is a certain level of responsibility shared by this type of partnership as well.
Reach the Finish Line
Rather than breadwinner, a truer name would be racehorse and jockey. In this relationship, each is dependent on the other in a symbiotic relationship as opposed to the traditional “breadwinner” relationship. Years ago, my mother viewed my dad as the breadwinner because he would work the long hours and provide a vast majority of the family’s income. That role has changed since more and more marriages rely on the communal income of both partners. Furthermore, my parents did not share the child rearing roles, while today many fathers enjoy the rearing of the children and are actively involved in development of the family unit. Mother doesn’t have to do it all.
Expanded Roles
Yet, mother does maintain a very busy schedule along with contributing to the family’s income. Marriage has evolved even though we cling to many of the old notions of what we are supposed to do in the relationship. Many problems in the marriage arise due to the lack of understanding the new expanded roles of men and women, men and men and women and women. Finances can become one of the most contentious issues in the relationship; sadly that is no different from most problems that arose for our parents and grandparents.
Understanding and Compassion
For the relationship to survive and thrive, here are a few recommendations for Teachers:
1. Communicate and do not assume
2. Discuss financial matters on a regular scheduled basis
3. Keep things in perspective, you are together for the long haul so have a cooling off period if things get heated
4. Set goals as a couple and as a family once you have expanded
5. Define your roles and agree to follow your concomitant arrangements
6. Reevaluate, nothing is cast in stone, so make adjustments
Unless you are in an arranged marriage, you probably married for love, so keep that going as long as possible. Don’t take each other for granted. And finally as Aunt PG used to say, “The key to a successful marriage is to always say Please and Thank you!”